I don't know about you but our house is always full of books and music. From fiction to non-fiction. Mainstream to eclectic to just plain weird! Some just sit gathering dust (shelf help) and some have that bent out of shape, clearly a favourite, worn out look. No matter which end of the scale the books land we find these bring up so much conversation between us.

This past week I have been slowly digesting a chapter from the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown.

The chapter is about Understanding and Combating Shame from both women and men's perspective. It discusses what shame is, how it shows up in our lives and how to work through it to live more wholeheartly. It is an eye-opening chapter on how we are boxed into gender rules and expectations on how to be, how to live and generally leaving us in fear of not belonging.

Whew, that’s a HUGE load to carry for each of us which mostly leads to a life of flight or fight survival mode.

First this chapter sparked a 2-hour open conversation between my partner, Andrew and I, on how we communicate both verbally and unintentionally. Do, or have we, inadvertently caused each other shame through miscommunication or how we perceive what is being said between us? What a beautiful and interesting conversation to have after nearly 17 years into our relationship.

It really gave us a deeper insight into each other’s minds and feelings but it led to a discussion on why people might be so reactive and how we can offer more support their way.

We have all felt shame in our lives, feeling like we are not enough to our partners/spouses/children/family/friends etc. First that sinking feeling then how we handle that awful feeling. Some lash out, some shut down and so on.

Andrew and I talked about how we can begin to change our body language, our verbal communication to offer understanding. To offer sympathy. To offer patience. We are all making our way through this VERY complicated physical existence with an overwhelming sense of life should be better than this. And I think it can be when we begin to actively support each other.

I am so glad I am reading this book as it is giving me new, authentic conversation in my relationship but that I can now share with you. I hope it sparks thought or a discussion in your home. Maybe even purchasing to read yourself.

Each one of us has the opportunity to break a cycle or to create change. Its one small pebble dropped in a huge ocean to create the beginnings of a ripple effect.

And that ripple effect all started with Brene Brown beginning to Dare Greatly.

See you on the mat,

Tracy

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